When you spend many years with someone you start to plan out your lives together. You start to think of what it would be like to have them as a spouse, what kind of jobs you’ll have, what your children will look like, and what decor you will put in your perfect little house on a hill. Most of these things are just dreaming, not too serious. The bad thing about that is that you hold on to these thoughts. You keep that image in your head of your future together. Yes, they are beautiful thoughts that can bring you up when you’re down. But, when that relationship is broken, you lose that imaginary future as well. In your head, you have built this imaginary life together which is now suddenly shattered. No more marriage, kids, and that house on a hill.
This planning of the future thing is all too common now days. Young people are building lives together that sometimes seem obvious that they will end. Some are moving in, others are having children. Without judging these people realize that every teenage couple has come across these situations whether it be actual or just in thought. It has become the “norm”. “Planning for the future” should be called “growing up too fast” in all actuality.
These thoughts are selfish. There is no way around it. You are building up your mate just to let them down when the inevitable end has come. You set so much into this idea of a perfect future. There is no perfect future in reality (on Earth), but struggle and desire and fear. When it is obvious that this future will never happen, never be complete, you feel as if your entire future has been stripped away from you. You feel like you are left with nothing. Nothing but memories. Save your significant other from the pain. Don’t drag them around with thoughts of a happy home and beautiful kids. Selfish. Respect your heart and your love’s heart. Remember how old you are.
“Try” and any other form of the word is brought up a lot in relationships. “I’m trying,” “I tried,” “At least try.” If I can give anyone who is reading this any advice to take with them, it’s don’t TRY. Settling for anything less than “I will” is not sustainable. Don’t start pointing fingers. You know you do it too. You don’t want to tell your partner that you are trying. Trying is something that lacks. You want to sacrifice for your love. You need to sacrifice for your love. Trying gives you a greater chance to fall back into the pit of failing.
“Change” is another word used a lot in relationships. Either you or your partner is wanting to change or wanting the other to change. I’ve learned that change is a two way street. Don’t even think about expecting them to change if you cannot change yourself. Face it, you are not the saint in the relationship. They are suffering or compromising your faults and you are screaming “CHANGE”? Change first, and change will follow.
Keep your comments to yourself. We all have that one friend who you tell all your relationship drama to. The one who every single time you are together, you relinquish all the crap you and your relationship is going through. Most of the time, face it, you aren’t going through that much crap. It is the toxicity of the conversations or the personality of the friends (and yourself) that is negative. It brings up all of the drama inside you. You have become two faced. You sit with your boyfriend or girlfriend and say, “I love you, we can work on this” then the next minute you are with a friend and say, “I hate him/her. I wish I was single.” Then, the moment of break up, be expected to get, “You weren’t happy anyway, so why are you sad?” Don’t be that. It all goes with respecting yourself and your partner. Would you want them to do that to you?
“And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.” – Mathew 7:3-5
Having that person who was your high school sweetheart, you experience many firsts in each others lives. The memories you make together are something that can never be erased from your mind. When you think of a memory, good or bad, it instantly reminds you of them. Because they were there through it all with you. The places you went, the friends you had, the memories you made will forever be a reminder of them.
I may sound like I've been through a relationship but I have never been in it before. but I was that kind of friend that people run to for their relationship dramas. I know, it hurts Regret is all I can think about. But, without that regret you won't be stronger. Remember, People come and Go; they are either a blessing or a Lesson.Please, if you are in a relationship or will someday in the future, give them the best you can give. Because If you dont it will leave you with nothing.
I know that we are young. We “have our whole lives ahead of each other,” like people try to tell me lately. You wonder why there are so many lines in songs that say something about a high school sweetheart. It’s because it hurts like you can’t even imagine. When you are young you want nothing more than to grow up. Well I am living proof that it does no good to sit and dream about growing up.
Give your love the best of you. Don’t try, don’t beg for change, don’t create an imaginary future, don’t drag or lead them on, don’t keep your issues inside, don’t make them look like a bad person in front of your friends, don’t be embarrassed by them on how they look or act, don’t two-time them, don’t cheat on them – don’t even think about it, don’t lie and don’t settle for anything less than butterflies in your stomach every time you look at them.
Thanks for listening. Thanks for our memories.
“Love is not rude, it is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. “ – 1 Corinthians 13:5
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