How to Love yourself

I remember when I was a high school freshman, the first time i was embarrassed about my body; I remember doing the best that i could just not to look like a freak, putting on some lipstick so i would not look like a vampire, just for all the ruthless boys who don't even think before they speak and I would go home, wear over-sized shirt not bothering myself to look down, and making myself to believe all the " you are beautiful" sayings on tumblr. lies lies lies I tell myself as I jump in my bed, my flat chest meeting my knees with my arms wrapped around them, wishing and praying that someday I will be good enough, but i can't and will never be good enough for a society whose definition of a girl is skinny, bones, fair skin, big boobs, skinny, skinny, skinny. Fall in love with yourself first. all these time I wanted and needed someone to love me was here all along. it was ME. silly me, trying to dress to impress while there was no joy deep inside. I just realized that no lipstick, nearly naked powders, smooth hair and all the bullshit thats in the criteria of beauty is  NOT what defines you. its all the little simple things you have thats worth much more than a skinny body and thigh gaps. The way you wipe your hair out of your face. the way you try to look serious in a situation. the way you laugh. the way you joke around your friends and trying to be goofy. the way you say Hi to kids and give them a smile. thats what makes you, YOU. you should start realizing that you are not living for others, you are living for yourself so stop trying to seek approval and love from the society cause we live it a world that the people are unfair, not the life that we have. so start loving yourself cause you are Diamond, believe it or not. because the only one you've got is yourself and GOD.

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How To Move On

You see them for the first time, and never in your wildest dreams you thought they'd be the one who will break your heart into pieces. When they break your heart, it’s the hardest thing you could ever go through; and no matter how much time has passed ,as the days turns to week, weeks to months and months into years, it never really goes away. You may think youre getting better, when theyre not around you, when you stop thinking about them, but when you see them or a single memory of them comes back in your kaleidoscope of memories, it hits you all over again, all at once, like a punch in the stomach. You fall apart, for the hundredth time, and you feel like you just want to run away, somewhere far away, but you cant; even if you run and run, the memory is chasing you, too; so you just decide to jump in your bed, hold your pillow tight and start crying, crying, crying.  You love this person with all of your heart, even though you know you shouldn’t. but yet, you still want them, and only them. They hurt you worse than you’ve ever been hurt. They stole your happiness, they took the biggest part of you, without you knowing. But yet, you still want them, only them. Other people come and gave you chances to move on, you want to follow them and move on but there is a part of you that still wants to hold on. At the end of the day, youre still thinking about the person who has left you completely broken. You don’t want to miss them anymore. You don’t want to love them anymore, but you know you always will. You try so hard to get better and forget it all, and hope that one day you wake up and youre over them.

You can't move on unless you want to. you can't move on if they are still around you. You can't move on if youre still re-reading your text conversations. You cant move on if youre still stalking them in social media sites. You can't move on if youre forcing yourself, the more you force yourself, the more your feelings would rebel. give it time. time heals wounds. Don't rush. its all about the baby steps. Delete their number. try to avoid the places that you can find them. you've got same class as them? its cool. Don't pay too much attention on them. try to stop yourself from daydreaming or glancing at them. if they approach you, its fine. try to be friends, but remember that youre moving on and dont want them as the holder of your heart. but if they are not around the places that  you are, congratulations! youre one step closer to moving on! haha! try these steps:

• Get a paper and a pen and write all the negative things about that person
• write all the reasons why you should move on.
• talk to a friend
• spend more time with your family and friends
• get rid of all the songs and pictures that reminds you of them.
• put the past behind you before you can move on.
• dont forget that youre a human. its okay to have a melt down. just dont unpack and live there.cry it out and then refocus on where youre headed.
• just remember that the way you think about a person isnt the way they actually are.
• if they dont chase you while you walk away, keep walking.

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this is another post based on my experiences. its really hard. harder than i have ever imagined. if you can relate to this post, i hope one day you will move on and say " here I stay, no looking back"